AM I HAVING FUN YET?!?!?

"AM I HAVING FUN YET?"

I have recently re-entered the world on online dating. It is indeed an adventure. I'm reminding myself that I asked for it. I'm reminding myself that it's a "sorting process". I'm reminding myself of the principles of persistence and faith, not insisting on the instant results I am seeking, but rather, to enjoy the journey of getting there.

So far this week, since putting myself back online just 8 days ago, I have had seven phone conversations and four in-person dates with three delightful men.

So far this week, this is what I am learning about the process and myself:

There are many loving, caring, spiritually evolved and authentic men out there in our world who are truly seeking companionship, long-term relationships, and even seeking their "soul mate" at a stage in life when many people have become jaded and lost in the energy of futility.

There are also many men who simply want an intimate encounter (not something I am seeking), want an "activity partner" (aside from sex, men want someone to share activities such as going to the threatre, hiking, traveling, sailing, and golfing). These men do not necessarily seek love nor any kind of loving relationship. These men may actually be disinterested in any kind of commitment or real intimacy, although seek a sexual partner nonetheless.

During this week, I almost had a date with Howard; he seemed nice and we seemed to have stuff in common. Then...while he was texting me the address for the cafe where we would meet, I looked closer at his user name and noticed it spelled out "R U HORNY 2" -- silly me, I thought I had seen something else in the acronym... So when I noticed what Howard's user name really was, I emailed him expressing my thought that perhaps he and I were seeking different things; he responded that he agreed and we cancelled the date.

The next day, Joel reached out to me, emailing me a lovely note, saying that he found my picture and my profile "adorable", and he persisted in meeting me for coffee then took me out to dinner last night. What I endured was an entire evening of Joel's stories about himself, his accomplishments, his experiences with various businesses and acquisitions...and at the end of the evening when he made it clear he wanted some "lovin", I politely declined, saying I needed to go home, as the time was late and I had a long day today.

The truth about my experience with Joel: I felt lonely and invisible -- as if he simply needed someone to hear about his accomplishments, stroke his ego, notice his new Mercedes, applaud his beautiful home, and then be available for "some lovin'", as if I was remotely ready for such things! In my vision of what I am seeking in a relationship with a special man, I seek a man who is loving, caring, curious, enthusiastic, passionate, affectionate, thoughtful, spiritually aware, playful, and vigorous with a keen sense of humor. I had shared a portion of one of my CDs in which I am singing (in answer to his question to me "do you sing?"). As the piece was playing, he continued his conversation about some business venture he wanted to make sure I heard about. He never commented on my voice. Never asked about me. Never expressed any curiosity about me, my life, my work, my interests... NOTHING!

In the meantime, I've had some phone conversations with a few lovely men, one of whom has not responded to my offer to meet him for coffee, since I would be nearby his office for a meeting. Oh well. I also met with another gorgeous man who took me out for drinks; we had a lively two-hour conversation which will most likely go nowhere, but he was a gentleman and reminded me that there are really good men out there! Not every date is going to be a "click" but can also have a benefit.

Then there's John: I haven't met him yet. Our phone chats have been upbeat and connecting. He is ten years younger than I, but isn't concerned about the age difference. He emailed me a beautiful bouquet of flowers for Mother's Day, saying he was thinking of me and hoped it was a good day for me. Joel, who took me out to dinner on Mother's Day evening, never mentioned Mother's Day, never acknowledged it as a day that was either relevant or special to me. Another sweet man I haven't yet met also sent me Mother's Day greetings. Go figure!

So I am asking myself: "Am I having fun yet?"

The answer is "YES!" I am learning about who appeals to me and who does not. I am learning to accept that although someone else may appeal to me, maybe I don't appeal to him, and that's okay. I am learning that there is something in this process of seeking that special man which continues to stretch me, challenge me and teach me about the variety of men out there, about myself and what characteristics are inviting me, and about the fact that whether or not I meet that "Mr. Right"...I am always IN LOVE WITH MY LIFE!

I am in a state of loving appreciation of everything that comes to me.

How about you?

Blessings,
Sheila