A GIFT IN EVERYTHING
Rhonda Byrne, creator of “The Secret” writes: "Look for the gifts in everything, especially when you are facing what appears to be a negative situation. Everything that we attract causes us to grow, which means that ultimately everything is for our own good.... Adjusting to a new path and a new direction will require new qualities and strengths, and these qualities are always exactly what we need to acquire in order to accomplish the great things ahead in our life.”
Do you find yourself shouting at the moon: “Why me?!?” Or...even shouting at God: “How could you do this to us?!?!” If we live from the perspective that we live in a universe in which the so-called “good” people (you and me) are rewarded and the so-called “bad” people (them) are punished by a force or a God that doles out the rewards and punishments, then it is understandable that we are often found shouting at the moon or shouting at God when we are faced with difficult and painful circumstances.
“Why would God let this horrible thing happen to me?” is the kind of question many of us may ask, when we are in abject pain and needing to blame something, someone, as we grapple with the frustration and confusion of feeling that life's challenges and pains are “unfair” and “cruel”.
When our relationship with God is on the basis of a business deal, in which we have promised to be good, in return for which we believe that God will take care of us by sparing us the pain and suffering of life, then we can feel let down – even betrayed – by God or the Universe.
However, if we can expand our relationship with God or the Universe to include the notion that everything that happens in our life is some form of blessing, and that God or the Universe wants only the best of what life has to offer, then even the toughest of trials and difficulties takes on another dimension.
Byron Katie, in her book Loving What Is, muses that every time we spend any time or attention on wishing that something be something else, we lose. It is important to be willing to face what is right in front of us, and to ask the question: How can I make this a blessing and not a curse?
I maintain that Life is not unfair. Life just is. The way we each handle life is what makes the difference. It might appear that some people are holding a shitty deck of cards, while others are holding all the good ones. But whatever that hand is, we have learned that the game isn't necessarily won by the person who holds the best cards...right? It's all in how the cards are played.
I've often heard the story of Hershel, a man who had survived the Holocaust during World War II, endured the horrors of the death camps, watched his entire family be taken away and slaughtered, but he survived it all. Hershel scraped and clawed his way to freedom, barely alive in Auchwitz when the American troups liberated the camps in 1945. He struggled to survive, to live and to thrive. He found his way to America. Shortly after arriving in New York in 1947, after the war and after his liberation, Hershel was walking across Third Avenue and was hit by a bus and killed immediately. “Why would God let this happen to this poor man, who struggled so mightily to survive, only to be killed by a bus in NYC!?!?”
God wasn't driving the bus. Sam was driving the bus. Sam didn't see Hershel crossing the street...
Was all of Hershel's struggle to live in vain? I don't think so. His struggle and his persistence was part of his journey, and Hershel had also become a source of inspiration to hundreds of others around Hershel who were witness to his grit and persistence.
Everything is energy. We are all connected. We are each a part of one another, in more ways than we can every know.
Life is not about the destination, nor is it about how many years we live. It is always about the journey. It is about the little details of the steps we take along the path. It is about the choices we make inside each and every moment of our daily path called life. It is about how we define ourselves in our loving relationships with others, and with ourselves.
When we love someone, we want to have that person in our life always, don't we? But what is “always”... Take the word apart: “ALL...WAYS”... And how many ways can we love?
We love most fully when we simply love what is.
Blessings
Sheila
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Monday, May 24, 2010
HOW DO I STAY IN THE MOMENT, WHEN SOMEONE I LOVE IS DYING?
WHAT IS ETERNAL, ANYWAY?
Kristy is a 39-year-old mother of three children, ages 3, 6 & 8 who is in the final stages of pancreatic cancer. She has endured three rounds of chemotherapy, but the tumors are still there and growing. She has chosen to opt out of further chemotherapy treatments and is willing for the body to do whatever it seems determined to do, and to literally “go with the flow” of this stage of her journey in this life.
Kristy has contacted hospice and reached out to me, knowing that I would be there for her in the process, to support her when she is frightened without saying “it's going to be alright”... She knows that I am there for her, without wishing it would be otherwise. She knows that I am there for her, without cursing her illness and resisting the inevitability of her body's death within the foreseeable future.
Kristy brings us all a gift: she is glowing with a vitality and zest for life which defies the angel of death. She looks forward to being with her husband and her children every day. She has decided NOT to believe the doctors who say she only has a few months to live; she would rather surrender to the great uncertainty of life itself, saying that she is challenging the forecast for her death, and may just “buy” another week or month or year of life for herself. In the meantime, she in choosing to enjoy each moment of life that is right in front of her face.
Many of us are faced with illness ourselves, or with a loved one who has been given an imminent death sentence. Many of us have elderly parents and know that the time is near that we will be saying that final “goodbye” to a beloved mother or father, not quite sure when their physical frailties will tip the scale of life's viability.
The question so many of us have is “how do I welcome the inevitability of something I dread?”
We have a choice: (1) to deny and resist what is real and inevitable (like getting older, like it or not!); or (2) to embrace and welcome what is real and inevitable (like getting older) as a natural part of life, and I might as well accept it and surrender to it, since not doing so causes me (and others) more pain and suffering!
Whenever we get stuck asking questions like “Why me?” or shouting to the heavens “It isn't fair!”, we are involved in an inner dialogue that sounds like “poor me” and “I'm an unwilling victim!”, when we actually have an opportunity to look at any given situation as a form of blessing, not a curse.
When we love someone, the risk we are taking is that we could lose them. Maybe they will die before we do. Maybe they will walk away from us and disappear without a whisper. Maybe we will decide to leave them and then feel the pangs of sadness as we leave them behind.
When we have something precious which we prize, of course it is natural to want to hold onto it, and never let go, because it is a treasure and we don't want to lose our treasure. But when we can look at each moment of life as a series of potential “timeless moments” and moments of “eternity”, we begin to see that whatever we have had which is precious and which we treasure has become part of our “eternal treasure chest” and no one can take that away from you or me.
Nonetheless, the nature of life is that there is also death.
The death could occur when a new baby dies in childbirth, or after a year or so of sweet life; or a teenager could be killed in a car accident; or a young child could be born with Cystic Fibrosis and destined to have a short life; or a young adult could succumb to juvenile diabetes; or a young man could succumb to a sudden heart attack; or a young mother could endure pancreatic cancer and be told she will die before her 40th birthday.
We all have stories. We all have someone precious to us for whom a “goodbye” would be (and will be) difficult and painful...because we have loved them, and they have loved us.
However...people may die, but love does not.
The gift we all give one another while we are alive and vital and passionate is he gift of love.
When our bodies fail us, love lives on long after our bodies stop functioning. After all, our bodies have only been an instrument of love. Our bodies are not eternal, but our love is...
Blessings,
Sheila
Kristy is a 39-year-old mother of three children, ages 3, 6 & 8 who is in the final stages of pancreatic cancer. She has endured three rounds of chemotherapy, but the tumors are still there and growing. She has chosen to opt out of further chemotherapy treatments and is willing for the body to do whatever it seems determined to do, and to literally “go with the flow” of this stage of her journey in this life.
Kristy has contacted hospice and reached out to me, knowing that I would be there for her in the process, to support her when she is frightened without saying “it's going to be alright”... She knows that I am there for her, without wishing it would be otherwise. She knows that I am there for her, without cursing her illness and resisting the inevitability of her body's death within the foreseeable future.
Kristy brings us all a gift: she is glowing with a vitality and zest for life which defies the angel of death. She looks forward to being with her husband and her children every day. She has decided NOT to believe the doctors who say she only has a few months to live; she would rather surrender to the great uncertainty of life itself, saying that she is challenging the forecast for her death, and may just “buy” another week or month or year of life for herself. In the meantime, she in choosing to enjoy each moment of life that is right in front of her face.
Many of us are faced with illness ourselves, or with a loved one who has been given an imminent death sentence. Many of us have elderly parents and know that the time is near that we will be saying that final “goodbye” to a beloved mother or father, not quite sure when their physical frailties will tip the scale of life's viability.
The question so many of us have is “how do I welcome the inevitability of something I dread?”
We have a choice: (1) to deny and resist what is real and inevitable (like getting older, like it or not!); or (2) to embrace and welcome what is real and inevitable (like getting older) as a natural part of life, and I might as well accept it and surrender to it, since not doing so causes me (and others) more pain and suffering!
Whenever we get stuck asking questions like “Why me?” or shouting to the heavens “It isn't fair!”, we are involved in an inner dialogue that sounds like “poor me” and “I'm an unwilling victim!”, when we actually have an opportunity to look at any given situation as a form of blessing, not a curse.
When we love someone, the risk we are taking is that we could lose them. Maybe they will die before we do. Maybe they will walk away from us and disappear without a whisper. Maybe we will decide to leave them and then feel the pangs of sadness as we leave them behind.
When we have something precious which we prize, of course it is natural to want to hold onto it, and never let go, because it is a treasure and we don't want to lose our treasure. But when we can look at each moment of life as a series of potential “timeless moments” and moments of “eternity”, we begin to see that whatever we have had which is precious and which we treasure has become part of our “eternal treasure chest” and no one can take that away from you or me.
Nonetheless, the nature of life is that there is also death.
The death could occur when a new baby dies in childbirth, or after a year or so of sweet life; or a teenager could be killed in a car accident; or a young child could be born with Cystic Fibrosis and destined to have a short life; or a young adult could succumb to juvenile diabetes; or a young man could succumb to a sudden heart attack; or a young mother could endure pancreatic cancer and be told she will die before her 40th birthday.
We all have stories. We all have someone precious to us for whom a “goodbye” would be (and will be) difficult and painful...because we have loved them, and they have loved us.
However...people may die, but love does not.
The gift we all give one another while we are alive and vital and passionate is he gift of love.
When our bodies fail us, love lives on long after our bodies stop functioning. After all, our bodies have only been an instrument of love. Our bodies are not eternal, but our love is...
Blessings,
Sheila
Monday, May 10, 2010
AM I HAVING FUN YET?!?!?
"AM I HAVING FUN YET?"
I have recently re-entered the world on online dating. It is indeed an adventure. I'm reminding myself that I asked for it. I'm reminding myself that it's a "sorting process". I'm reminding myself of the principles of persistence and faith, not insisting on the instant results I am seeking, but rather, to enjoy the journey of getting there.
So far this week, since putting myself back online just 8 days ago, I have had seven phone conversations and four in-person dates with three delightful men.
So far this week, this is what I am learning about the process and myself:
There are many loving, caring, spiritually evolved and authentic men out there in our world who are truly seeking companionship, long-term relationships, and even seeking their "soul mate" at a stage in life when many people have become jaded and lost in the energy of futility.
There are also many men who simply want an intimate encounter (not something I am seeking), want an "activity partner" (aside from sex, men want someone to share activities such as going to the threatre, hiking, traveling, sailing, and golfing). These men do not necessarily seek love nor any kind of loving relationship. These men may actually be disinterested in any kind of commitment or real intimacy, although seek a sexual partner nonetheless.
During this week, I almost had a date with Howard; he seemed nice and we seemed to have stuff in common. Then...while he was texting me the address for the cafe where we would meet, I looked closer at his user name and noticed it spelled out "R U HORNY 2" -- silly me, I thought I had seen something else in the acronym... So when I noticed what Howard's user name really was, I emailed him expressing my thought that perhaps he and I were seeking different things; he responded that he agreed and we cancelled the date.
The next day, Joel reached out to me, emailing me a lovely note, saying that he found my picture and my profile "adorable", and he persisted in meeting me for coffee then took me out to dinner last night. What I endured was an entire evening of Joel's stories about himself, his accomplishments, his experiences with various businesses and acquisitions...and at the end of the evening when he made it clear he wanted some "lovin", I politely declined, saying I needed to go home, as the time was late and I had a long day today.
The truth about my experience with Joel: I felt lonely and invisible -- as if he simply needed someone to hear about his accomplishments, stroke his ego, notice his new Mercedes, applaud his beautiful home, and then be available for "some lovin'", as if I was remotely ready for such things! In my vision of what I am seeking in a relationship with a special man, I seek a man who is loving, caring, curious, enthusiastic, passionate, affectionate, thoughtful, spiritually aware, playful, and vigorous with a keen sense of humor. I had shared a portion of one of my CDs in which I am singing (in answer to his question to me "do you sing?"). As the piece was playing, he continued his conversation about some business venture he wanted to make sure I heard about. He never commented on my voice. Never asked about me. Never expressed any curiosity about me, my life, my work, my interests... NOTHING!
In the meantime, I've had some phone conversations with a few lovely men, one of whom has not responded to my offer to meet him for coffee, since I would be nearby his office for a meeting. Oh well. I also met with another gorgeous man who took me out for drinks; we had a lively two-hour conversation which will most likely go nowhere, but he was a gentleman and reminded me that there are really good men out there! Not every date is going to be a "click" but can also have a benefit.
Then there's John: I haven't met him yet. Our phone chats have been upbeat and connecting. He is ten years younger than I, but isn't concerned about the age difference. He emailed me a beautiful bouquet of flowers for Mother's Day, saying he was thinking of me and hoped it was a good day for me. Joel, who took me out to dinner on Mother's Day evening, never mentioned Mother's Day, never acknowledged it as a day that was either relevant or special to me. Another sweet man I haven't yet met also sent me Mother's Day greetings. Go figure!
So I am asking myself: "Am I having fun yet?"
The answer is "YES!" I am learning about who appeals to me and who does not. I am learning to accept that although someone else may appeal to me, maybe I don't appeal to him, and that's okay. I am learning that there is something in this process of seeking that special man which continues to stretch me, challenge me and teach me about the variety of men out there, about myself and what characteristics are inviting me, and about the fact that whether or not I meet that "Mr. Right"...I am always IN LOVE WITH MY LIFE!
I am in a state of loving appreciation of everything that comes to me.
How about you?
Blessings,
Sheila
I have recently re-entered the world on online dating. It is indeed an adventure. I'm reminding myself that I asked for it. I'm reminding myself that it's a "sorting process". I'm reminding myself of the principles of persistence and faith, not insisting on the instant results I am seeking, but rather, to enjoy the journey of getting there.
So far this week, since putting myself back online just 8 days ago, I have had seven phone conversations and four in-person dates with three delightful men.
So far this week, this is what I am learning about the process and myself:
There are many loving, caring, spiritually evolved and authentic men out there in our world who are truly seeking companionship, long-term relationships, and even seeking their "soul mate" at a stage in life when many people have become jaded and lost in the energy of futility.
There are also many men who simply want an intimate encounter (not something I am seeking), want an "activity partner" (aside from sex, men want someone to share activities such as going to the threatre, hiking, traveling, sailing, and golfing). These men do not necessarily seek love nor any kind of loving relationship. These men may actually be disinterested in any kind of commitment or real intimacy, although seek a sexual partner nonetheless.
During this week, I almost had a date with Howard; he seemed nice and we seemed to have stuff in common. Then...while he was texting me the address for the cafe where we would meet, I looked closer at his user name and noticed it spelled out "R U HORNY 2" -- silly me, I thought I had seen something else in the acronym... So when I noticed what Howard's user name really was, I emailed him expressing my thought that perhaps he and I were seeking different things; he responded that he agreed and we cancelled the date.
The next day, Joel reached out to me, emailing me a lovely note, saying that he found my picture and my profile "adorable", and he persisted in meeting me for coffee then took me out to dinner last night. What I endured was an entire evening of Joel's stories about himself, his accomplishments, his experiences with various businesses and acquisitions...and at the end of the evening when he made it clear he wanted some "lovin", I politely declined, saying I needed to go home, as the time was late and I had a long day today.
The truth about my experience with Joel: I felt lonely and invisible -- as if he simply needed someone to hear about his accomplishments, stroke his ego, notice his new Mercedes, applaud his beautiful home, and then be available for "some lovin'", as if I was remotely ready for such things! In my vision of what I am seeking in a relationship with a special man, I seek a man who is loving, caring, curious, enthusiastic, passionate, affectionate, thoughtful, spiritually aware, playful, and vigorous with a keen sense of humor. I had shared a portion of one of my CDs in which I am singing (in answer to his question to me "do you sing?"). As the piece was playing, he continued his conversation about some business venture he wanted to make sure I heard about. He never commented on my voice. Never asked about me. Never expressed any curiosity about me, my life, my work, my interests... NOTHING!
In the meantime, I've had some phone conversations with a few lovely men, one of whom has not responded to my offer to meet him for coffee, since I would be nearby his office for a meeting. Oh well. I also met with another gorgeous man who took me out for drinks; we had a lively two-hour conversation which will most likely go nowhere, but he was a gentleman and reminded me that there are really good men out there! Not every date is going to be a "click" but can also have a benefit.
Then there's John: I haven't met him yet. Our phone chats have been upbeat and connecting. He is ten years younger than I, but isn't concerned about the age difference. He emailed me a beautiful bouquet of flowers for Mother's Day, saying he was thinking of me and hoped it was a good day for me. Joel, who took me out to dinner on Mother's Day evening, never mentioned Mother's Day, never acknowledged it as a day that was either relevant or special to me. Another sweet man I haven't yet met also sent me Mother's Day greetings. Go figure!
So I am asking myself: "Am I having fun yet?"
The answer is "YES!" I am learning about who appeals to me and who does not. I am learning to accept that although someone else may appeal to me, maybe I don't appeal to him, and that's okay. I am learning that there is something in this process of seeking that special man which continues to stretch me, challenge me and teach me about the variety of men out there, about myself and what characteristics are inviting me, and about the fact that whether or not I meet that "Mr. Right"...I am always IN LOVE WITH MY LIFE!
I am in a state of loving appreciation of everything that comes to me.
How about you?
Blessings,
Sheila
Monday, April 26, 2010
BEING ALONE SUCKS!
How can I be "in love with my life" when I'm alone, but don't want to be, travelling and going to events by myself when I'd love to have a man by my side; when the man I thought was my lover doesn't seem to have the capacity or the interest in having a loving relationship but just wanted a sexual one; when I'm usually broke and work hard all the time; when I'm in my late 60's and wish I were back in my 40's; when my brother isn't speaking to me; when my mother is paralyzed on her right side and destined live out her life in a nursing home which is 3000 miles away from where I live; when my connection with my stepchildren is polite but not satisfying or loving; when my connection with my grandchildren is loving but not often.... it is a long list, isn't it?
Holy moly! Am I EVER feeling sorry for myself?!?!
What if I accepted the premise that I somehow co-created ALL the results in my life?
What?!? I created a series of circumstances in which I am widowed, still "alone" five years after my husband died, broke and still broke most of my life, ruptured relationships with various members of my family, etc., etc.???
Yep. I did.
Soooo...if I totally own the results in my life, is it possible that I see that I have co-created the results in my life for my own benefit and growth? Is it possible that I can see everything as some kind of gift?
Yes. It is possible.
Is it easy? No.
Does it feel good right now? No.
Is it possible that I could shift my own attitude, my own perspective, my own mind-set and my own energy to the point that I could actually be grateful for the current circumstances in my life?
Yes. It is possible.
Does that mean that I can consistently remain grateful and consistently be "in love with my life"?
No. It doesn't have to mean that. And...it doesn't have to be all the time that I feel either "blissful" or "in love with my life".
When we are "in love" with someone, does that feeling always prevail? No. It is usually or often the case. There is nothing -- really, nothing -- that is always one thing or the other, except for one thing: ENERGY.
ENERGY ALWAYS IS... EVERYTHING IS ENERGY. ENERGY NEVER DIES, IT JUST CHANGES FORM.
Sooo...how do I shift my perspective today? How do I see that all these circumstances that feel awful today are actually wonderful today?
First: I turn my focus to what I DO HAVE and away from whatever I DO NOT HAVE.
So here's the list of what I do have: I'm healthy, I have high energy, I have good and loving friends and family, I have several communities of which I am a part and which honor and embrace me, I have several talents which I have developed which I use for the purpose of being of service to others, receiving much satisfaction and acknowledgments. I have a coaching practice which is busy and I enjoy the satisfaction of being of service to my clients. I am a busy public speaker and I enjoy the satisfaction of being of service to others. I have friends and clients who support my needs, like maintaining my car, cutting my hair, cleaning my apartment, giving me massages, organizing my stuff, giving me technical support with my computer and my work.
Second: I acknowledge myself for all the ways in which I have created the results in my life which I do love.
Third: I acknowledge the blessing for the various circumstances which are challenging for me, willing to see the gift that resides within each of these challenges. For example, my financial status does not need to remain in a perpetual state of being "broke". It is something which I can continue to work toward mastery and abundance. Also, my "alone" status may well be something which I have unconsciously created for myself; I owe it to myself to embrace the solitude and enjoy the benefits of being independent and free for the first time in four decades. I can then remind myself that "when I stop needing what I want, I will be ready to receive what I want". I have a choice of trusting that this is a generous universe that wants nothing more than for me to be happy, joyful, loving, and in a relationship with a partner in which I can share all that I am and dream of being.
Right now, at this moment, I am willing to own the fact that I have created my current results. If I have indeed created them, I can also bless them. Also, if I have created these results, I am also capable of creating different results, if I don't like these.
Ok. I get it. I'm "in love" with my life, because I am the creator of it.
Thank you!
Blessings
Sheila
Holy moly! Am I EVER feeling sorry for myself?!?!
What if I accepted the premise that I somehow co-created ALL the results in my life?
What?!? I created a series of circumstances in which I am widowed, still "alone" five years after my husband died, broke and still broke most of my life, ruptured relationships with various members of my family, etc., etc.???
Yep. I did.
Soooo...if I totally own the results in my life, is it possible that I see that I have co-created the results in my life for my own benefit and growth? Is it possible that I can see everything as some kind of gift?
Yes. It is possible.
Is it easy? No.
Does it feel good right now? No.
Is it possible that I could shift my own attitude, my own perspective, my own mind-set and my own energy to the point that I could actually be grateful for the current circumstances in my life?
Yes. It is possible.
Does that mean that I can consistently remain grateful and consistently be "in love with my life"?
No. It doesn't have to mean that. And...it doesn't have to be all the time that I feel either "blissful" or "in love with my life".
When we are "in love" with someone, does that feeling always prevail? No. It is usually or often the case. There is nothing -- really, nothing -- that is always one thing or the other, except for one thing: ENERGY.
ENERGY ALWAYS IS... EVERYTHING IS ENERGY. ENERGY NEVER DIES, IT JUST CHANGES FORM.
Sooo...how do I shift my perspective today? How do I see that all these circumstances that feel awful today are actually wonderful today?
First: I turn my focus to what I DO HAVE and away from whatever I DO NOT HAVE.
So here's the list of what I do have: I'm healthy, I have high energy, I have good and loving friends and family, I have several communities of which I am a part and which honor and embrace me, I have several talents which I have developed which I use for the purpose of being of service to others, receiving much satisfaction and acknowledgments. I have a coaching practice which is busy and I enjoy the satisfaction of being of service to my clients. I am a busy public speaker and I enjoy the satisfaction of being of service to others. I have friends and clients who support my needs, like maintaining my car, cutting my hair, cleaning my apartment, giving me massages, organizing my stuff, giving me technical support with my computer and my work.
Second: I acknowledge myself for all the ways in which I have created the results in my life which I do love.
Third: I acknowledge the blessing for the various circumstances which are challenging for me, willing to see the gift that resides within each of these challenges. For example, my financial status does not need to remain in a perpetual state of being "broke". It is something which I can continue to work toward mastery and abundance. Also, my "alone" status may well be something which I have unconsciously created for myself; I owe it to myself to embrace the solitude and enjoy the benefits of being independent and free for the first time in four decades. I can then remind myself that "when I stop needing what I want, I will be ready to receive what I want". I have a choice of trusting that this is a generous universe that wants nothing more than for me to be happy, joyful, loving, and in a relationship with a partner in which I can share all that I am and dream of being.
Right now, at this moment, I am willing to own the fact that I have created my current results. If I have indeed created them, I can also bless them. Also, if I have created these results, I am also capable of creating different results, if I don't like these.
Ok. I get it. I'm "in love" with my life, because I am the creator of it.
Thank you!
Blessings
Sheila
Monday, March 8, 2010
Treasure Each Day
46 years ago today, my baby daughter died suddenly at the age of 8 months. At one moment, she seemed fine, although with a little congestion, and I dropped her off with her babysitter while I went to work. In a few hours, her babysitter called to say that “Daedra is having trouble breathing!” and I rushed her to the hospital. A few hours later, she was gone.
That major event, that painful loss, that poignant reminder that “you never know!” has served to shape my adult life: I've learned to take no precious moment for granted; I've learned that anything can happen at any time, so enjoy this moment, enjoy this hug, enjoy this meal – you just don't know what lies ahead.
Today, I have several “daughters” - they are not from my womb, but from a sweet and deep soul connection. They are women who have come into my life who have needed re-parenting, have needed the nurturing of a mother's heart, and have given me the privilege of loving them: some of their names include Kim, Criss, Lisa, Susan, and Laura. These are only a few. Having been a mother only briefly, mourning the loss of that child, created a large space in my heart for the many “daughters” who have come into my life since that painful loss 46 years ago. Daedra was among my greatest gifts and blessings.
In a post a few days ago, I shared some conversations which took place between me and various members of a study group to which I belong. “G's” father had suddenly become ill and “G” had emailed our group to ask for our support and prayers. I had shared in this previous post the series of events ranging from G's father's critical condition to his father's dramatic “turn around”, and shared some of the email dialogue which ensued.
Within two days of the dramatic improvement and turn-around of G's father, G sent us the following message, announcement that his father had passed:
Today @ 12:10AM my father made his transition. In the true tradition of the 50/50 There are many things that are good about his passing and many things that are painful. Sitting at the hospital watching and thinking as the warmth of his body disappeared into the atmosphere inside that building, I realized that I too had transitioned in my own way.
I have never felt more adult. I never felt more like HIS son. My father's life touched a wide circle of people. He was well-liked and respected by people who knew him in even the most casual way. His way is the way of kindness, and generosity. His way is the way of solid, dependable, organized approaches to life. Every bill, every month, paid well before time. Funny how he forgot to pass along that gene in the little package I inherited.
When I was in the first grade, my teacher, Ms. Prescod, A Jamaican,told the class a story. The night before there had been a Parents-Teacher Evening. My father happened across Ms. Prescod as she was leaving the building for home. Aas gentlemanly gesture, he offered her a ride home. When she told the class this story to the class it made a mark on me that can never be removed or even changed. She placed great emphasis on how upon arriving at her house, he waited at the curb until she entered her home. This made her feel safe, appreciated and special. Although the story slipped out of conscious memory. Nearly thirty years later I find myself doing the same thing.
I am so tired now I am nearly delirious, but when I close my human eyes and open those that only repond to wonder, I peer through a metaphorical window in my mind. I see my Daddy waiting by the curb in a light blue Valiant for me get safely into my house, whatever that turns out to be.
I can gaze softly at this now smooth face, I RECOGNIZE that I am, will be, and have always been loved. Well loved. Well loved. Well loved.
Thank you for the role you play in my life.
G
This is my response to G:
Thank you G!
Thank you for allowing us all the honor and blessing of being a part of this journey.It is a sacred journey.It is a sweet and poignant journey.It is a journey which many of us have walked, or shall soon walk...How precious it is to feel that sweet pain that comes to each of us when we say goodbye to the physical form of a beloved...in that passing of the physical and in the falling of our tears, we begin to grasp what is meant by the word "eternal" and the experience of "love"...In your beautiful sharing, you gave a gift which is priceless and eternal: you offered us the blueprint for honoring our own beloved who have passed or shall.
You have also reminded us of the gifts we leave behind when our physical presence has passed: its called memory...
May your father's sweet and timeless memory be for a blessing for you and all he touched with the substance of his life.
Amen
Sheila
That major event, that painful loss, that poignant reminder that “you never know!” has served to shape my adult life: I've learned to take no precious moment for granted; I've learned that anything can happen at any time, so enjoy this moment, enjoy this hug, enjoy this meal – you just don't know what lies ahead.
Today, I have several “daughters” - they are not from my womb, but from a sweet and deep soul connection. They are women who have come into my life who have needed re-parenting, have needed the nurturing of a mother's heart, and have given me the privilege of loving them: some of their names include Kim, Criss, Lisa, Susan, and Laura. These are only a few. Having been a mother only briefly, mourning the loss of that child, created a large space in my heart for the many “daughters” who have come into my life since that painful loss 46 years ago. Daedra was among my greatest gifts and blessings.
In a post a few days ago, I shared some conversations which took place between me and various members of a study group to which I belong. “G's” father had suddenly become ill and “G” had emailed our group to ask for our support and prayers. I had shared in this previous post the series of events ranging from G's father's critical condition to his father's dramatic “turn around”, and shared some of the email dialogue which ensued.
Within two days of the dramatic improvement and turn-around of G's father, G sent us the following message, announcement that his father had passed:
Today @ 12:10AM my father made his transition. In the true tradition of the 50/50 There are many things that are good about his passing and many things that are painful. Sitting at the hospital watching and thinking as the warmth of his body disappeared into the atmosphere inside that building, I realized that I too had transitioned in my own way.
I have never felt more adult. I never felt more like HIS son. My father's life touched a wide circle of people. He was well-liked and respected by people who knew him in even the most casual way. His way is the way of kindness, and generosity. His way is the way of solid, dependable, organized approaches to life. Every bill, every month, paid well before time. Funny how he forgot to pass along that gene in the little package I inherited.
When I was in the first grade, my teacher, Ms. Prescod, A Jamaican,told the class a story. The night before there had been a Parents-Teacher Evening. My father happened across Ms. Prescod as she was leaving the building for home. Aas gentlemanly gesture, he offered her a ride home. When she told the class this story to the class it made a mark on me that can never be removed or even changed. She placed great emphasis on how upon arriving at her house, he waited at the curb until she entered her home. This made her feel safe, appreciated and special. Although the story slipped out of conscious memory. Nearly thirty years later I find myself doing the same thing.
I am so tired now I am nearly delirious, but when I close my human eyes and open those that only repond to wonder, I peer through a metaphorical window in my mind. I see my Daddy waiting by the curb in a light blue Valiant for me get safely into my house, whatever that turns out to be.
I can gaze softly at this now smooth face, I RECOGNIZE that I am, will be, and have always been loved. Well loved. Well loved. Well loved.
Thank you for the role you play in my life.
G
This is my response to G:
Thank you G!
Thank you for allowing us all the honor and blessing of being a part of this journey.It is a sacred journey.It is a sweet and poignant journey.It is a journey which many of us have walked, or shall soon walk...How precious it is to feel that sweet pain that comes to each of us when we say goodbye to the physical form of a beloved...in that passing of the physical and in the falling of our tears, we begin to grasp what is meant by the word "eternal" and the experience of "love"...In your beautiful sharing, you gave a gift which is priceless and eternal: you offered us the blueprint for honoring our own beloved who have passed or shall.
You have also reminded us of the gifts we leave behind when our physical presence has passed: its called memory...
May your father's sweet and timeless memory be for a blessing for you and all he touched with the substance of his life.
Amen
Sheila
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
"Keep Doing Whatever You're Doing!"
In yesterday's post, I shared the conversations between "G" and other members of our group, including "C" and "A" plus my own contribution to the exchanges.
This morning, "G" wrote an astonishing followup to his previous report on his father's condition, entitled "Better Update":
Dear Friends:
I am writing to say thank You for all of your profound responses and you of your prayers. I am not sure what is responsible for the positive result with my father's health. There's been an important shift in the situation. Today we found out that we will have access to a visiting nurse and a consulting doctor. My father suddenly began taking water & other fluids. Than he suddenly began to reveal his feelings about what is going on with him both physically and emotionally. Normally he is locked up tighter Fort Knox. However, with this information, I am able to address his rea lconcerns for a change. Then for the 1st time since Saturday, he ate some mashed potatoes.
Ya'll keep doing what you're doing. I will work on staying positive. As so many of you said to me, one foot in front of the other.
Staying present.
G
What I have learned by experiencing my journey with my own husband and my mother, whatever our loved ones are going through is also an invitation for us to face them and their struggles with equanimity: without judgment. With presence.
As I had said to "G" earlier yesterday, miracles happen when we can become fully present to the moment right in front of our faces: with our presence, we open an energetic and emotional space for everyone to expand into possibilities we cannot see when we are engaged with anger and fear and insistence that the situation be something other than what it is.
G's father was able to express himself emotionally in a new way; and he was able to ask for mashed potatoes!
With blessings and with love
Sheila
This morning, "G" wrote an astonishing followup to his previous report on his father's condition, entitled "Better Update":
Dear Friends:
I am writing to say thank You for all of your profound responses and you of your prayers. I am not sure what is responsible for the positive result with my father's health. There's been an important shift in the situation. Today we found out that we will have access to a visiting nurse and a consulting doctor. My father suddenly began taking water & other fluids. Than he suddenly began to reveal his feelings about what is going on with him both physically and emotionally. Normally he is locked up tighter Fort Knox. However, with this information, I am able to address his rea lconcerns for a change. Then for the 1st time since Saturday, he ate some mashed potatoes.
Ya'll keep doing what you're doing. I will work on staying positive. As so many of you said to me, one foot in front of the other.
Staying present.
G
What I have learned by experiencing my journey with my own husband and my mother, whatever our loved ones are going through is also an invitation for us to face them and their struggles with equanimity: without judgment. With presence.
As I had said to "G" earlier yesterday, miracles happen when we can become fully present to the moment right in front of our faces: with our presence, we open an energetic and emotional space for everyone to expand into possibilities we cannot see when we are engaged with anger and fear and insistence that the situation be something other than what it is.
G's father was able to express himself emotionally in a new way; and he was able to ask for mashed potatoes!
With blessings and with love
Sheila
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
"I'm in So Much Pain!"
As you follow this blog, you will notice that my ongoing theme is "There is a gift in every aspect of our lives, and the bigger the difficulty, the bigger the gift!"
I understand that it is annoying if not impossible to hear that, as we are in the midst of great pain and suffering. Who wants to be told that this pain or this heart-break is any kind of "gift"?!
Nonetheless, that is what I am saying. Nonetheless, that is what I have experienced myself, in my life. Nonetheless, that is what I have witnessed with others I encounter all around me, whether it is friends and family, members of my various communities, and/or my dear clients.
The series of email communications is something that just occurred among members of a spiritual community to which I belong. To protect everyone's privacy, everyone but myself is designated with an initial letter: "G", "A", and "C"
This exchange is an example of a painful family situation for G, who had written for support and prayers from us in his group. "A" responded to G and I then responded to both "A" and "G". "C" responded to me.
This exchange is also an example of what I refer to as "wisdom conversations" - you and I have them all the time, if we just listen:
Dear Friends,
I hope this message finds each of You well. I am finding it difficult to write this message.
This weekend my father's health has taken a turn in a bad direction.
Although as of 5 days ago his vital signs were stable at a reasonable level & his long-term chronic illnesses are under control. Starting Friday he began to refuse food. Saturday he began to give us a hard time taking fluids. He fights us when we try to give him his absolutely essential meds. As a result his well-regulated blood pressure has soared to dangerous highs. We sneak meds into everything we can but it's difficult. As I write this the pressure is climbing again.
We are fearing the worst since we've been told these are symptoms of a terminal patient nearing the end. Yet that seems crazy since we gotten a clean bill of heath so recently.
I am feeling a cacophony of emotions and I am no master of the language of emotion. So I am reaching out. I am not sure what I want or what I need. I just feel I had to say something. I don't have to have every answer. I want him to stay. I don't want him to suffer. Until now these 2 ends complimented each other. Now I don't know.
Thanks 4 listening.
G
=======================================
Dearest G_____,
Ask a group like this and you will receive a flood of prayers and support like no other. I am so sorry to hear that you father is not doing well and hope that his suffering can improve.You are loved and your family will be held in our thoughts and prayers.
The conflict you describe so eloquently is hard to imagine.As you continue to need support, do not hesitate to ask and friends will appear in a flash.
Much love and peace to you brother G____ at this very difficult time.
We are here with you.
Love,
A
=======================================================================
Hello dear G_____,
I know we are "all one" so that when I speak to you, I speak to us all and to myself as well...
You may or may not be aware that I have walked a similar path both with my dear husband (who passed in 2005) and with my dear mother (who has been in a nursing home since March 09)...
As difficult and painful as this is for you and all of your loved ones, I want to suggest that all of it is "perfect" (not pleasant) and part of your collective opportunity to honor life, experience a part of yourselves and your own consciousness which is being invited by this heart-wrenching situation for your dear father and all who love him.As one of my healing teachers said to me: "the physical is the least of it all"...and it looks like it is the most of it all...
In the process of the struggle and "doing whatever it takes" to maintain life and the quality of life, we are each faced with moment-to-moment existential issues and emotional challenges: "why this?" and "this isn't fair" and "no-one should have to go through this!"...and yet...life is neither fair nor unfair.
Life just is.
It is how we respond to it that defines each moment...
In the midst of my husband's long illness, I discovered a whole new world of myself that was being invited to an "impossible" situation. I discovered strength and love and internal grit I didn't know was there. I also discovered a world of loving caregivers and friends and family who surrounded my husband and me with support and emotional sustenance.
Most of all, I discovered a world of soul connection and spirit-to-spirit communication which has taught me that whatever is happening on the physical level of life is a tip of the ice burg of what the total "reality" is for us all...
In Neale Donald Walsch's book "Home with God" he gives us the broader picture: he calls "continuation day" that time when the physical form returns to source... All that we are experiencing here and now in our physical condition is a small part of the greater reality of ourselves as spiritual beings...
If your emotional language is limited for you, this experience can stretch you in the same moments you are being fully present to your father and his many needs...
More than you could know, my heart is with you, and I am sending the intention of joyful acceptance of all that is the "what's so" for you and your father.
After you have fought all the battles, asked all the questions, done everything possible to support homeostasis and comfort for your father, what he needs most from you is your presence: being fully present to him and with him, without judging his situation...
That will be the most healing energy you can offer him...
With love and blessings
Sheila Pearl
==============================================================
Dearest Sheila,
I just had to let you know that I find your words are so loving, comforting and insightful.
Thank you for sharing them with us all.
Love,
C
==============================================================
Dear Sheila
Thank You for all of your kind words.
I find I never know how many similarities exist between our stories until something like this happens. At the same time, acknowledging these same similarities makes it easier to walk the tightrope between hope, fear, and facts.
Thanks again!
G
==========================================
In each of our painful situations, there is a gift at the core of it. Keep looking for it. It is there!
With love and blessings
Sheila
I understand that it is annoying if not impossible to hear that, as we are in the midst of great pain and suffering. Who wants to be told that this pain or this heart-break is any kind of "gift"?!
Nonetheless, that is what I am saying. Nonetheless, that is what I have experienced myself, in my life. Nonetheless, that is what I have witnessed with others I encounter all around me, whether it is friends and family, members of my various communities, and/or my dear clients.
The series of email communications is something that just occurred among members of a spiritual community to which I belong. To protect everyone's privacy, everyone but myself is designated with an initial letter: "G", "A", and "C"
This exchange is an example of a painful family situation for G, who had written for support and prayers from us in his group. "A" responded to G and I then responded to both "A" and "G". "C" responded to me.
This exchange is also an example of what I refer to as "wisdom conversations" - you and I have them all the time, if we just listen:
Dear Friends,
I hope this message finds each of You well. I am finding it difficult to write this message.
This weekend my father's health has taken a turn in a bad direction.
Although as of 5 days ago his vital signs were stable at a reasonable level & his long-term chronic illnesses are under control. Starting Friday he began to refuse food. Saturday he began to give us a hard time taking fluids. He fights us when we try to give him his absolutely essential meds. As a result his well-regulated blood pressure has soared to dangerous highs. We sneak meds into everything we can but it's difficult. As I write this the pressure is climbing again.
We are fearing the worst since we've been told these are symptoms of a terminal patient nearing the end. Yet that seems crazy since we gotten a clean bill of heath so recently.
I am feeling a cacophony of emotions and I am no master of the language of emotion. So I am reaching out. I am not sure what I want or what I need. I just feel I had to say something. I don't have to have every answer. I want him to stay. I don't want him to suffer. Until now these 2 ends complimented each other. Now I don't know.
Thanks 4 listening.
G
=======================================
Dearest G_____,
Ask a group like this and you will receive a flood of prayers and support like no other. I am so sorry to hear that you father is not doing well and hope that his suffering can improve.You are loved and your family will be held in our thoughts and prayers.
The conflict you describe so eloquently is hard to imagine.As you continue to need support, do not hesitate to ask and friends will appear in a flash.
Much love and peace to you brother G____ at this very difficult time.
We are here with you.
Love,
A
=======================================================================
Hello dear G_____,
I know we are "all one" so that when I speak to you, I speak to us all and to myself as well...
You may or may not be aware that I have walked a similar path both with my dear husband (who passed in 2005) and with my dear mother (who has been in a nursing home since March 09)...
As difficult and painful as this is for you and all of your loved ones, I want to suggest that all of it is "perfect" (not pleasant) and part of your collective opportunity to honor life, experience a part of yourselves and your own consciousness which is being invited by this heart-wrenching situation for your dear father and all who love him.As one of my healing teachers said to me: "the physical is the least of it all"...and it looks like it is the most of it all...
In the process of the struggle and "doing whatever it takes" to maintain life and the quality of life, we are each faced with moment-to-moment existential issues and emotional challenges: "why this?" and "this isn't fair" and "no-one should have to go through this!"...and yet...life is neither fair nor unfair.
Life just is.
It is how we respond to it that defines each moment...
In the midst of my husband's long illness, I discovered a whole new world of myself that was being invited to an "impossible" situation. I discovered strength and love and internal grit I didn't know was there. I also discovered a world of loving caregivers and friends and family who surrounded my husband and me with support and emotional sustenance.
Most of all, I discovered a world of soul connection and spirit-to-spirit communication which has taught me that whatever is happening on the physical level of life is a tip of the ice burg of what the total "reality" is for us all...
In Neale Donald Walsch's book "Home with God" he gives us the broader picture: he calls "continuation day" that time when the physical form returns to source... All that we are experiencing here and now in our physical condition is a small part of the greater reality of ourselves as spiritual beings...
If your emotional language is limited for you, this experience can stretch you in the same moments you are being fully present to your father and his many needs...
More than you could know, my heart is with you, and I am sending the intention of joyful acceptance of all that is the "what's so" for you and your father.
After you have fought all the battles, asked all the questions, done everything possible to support homeostasis and comfort for your father, what he needs most from you is your presence: being fully present to him and with him, without judging his situation...
That will be the most healing energy you can offer him...
With love and blessings
Sheila Pearl
==============================================================
Dearest Sheila,
I just had to let you know that I find your words are so loving, comforting and insightful.
Thank you for sharing them with us all.
Love,
C
==============================================================
Dear Sheila
Thank You for all of your kind words.
I find I never know how many similarities exist between our stories until something like this happens. At the same time, acknowledging these same similarities makes it easier to walk the tightrope between hope, fear, and facts.
Thanks again!
G
==========================================
In each of our painful situations, there is a gift at the core of it. Keep looking for it. It is there!
With love and blessings
Sheila
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